What do I know about LOVE...

12-19-16 ~12-24-16

After coming back from Chicago, I took a week off of work. Our managers encouraged us to take PTO before the busy season. 

I went home for the week. I'm glad I live close to home so I can visit whenever. My mom prepared delicious home-cooked meals for me.

This is LOVE 💕.

Spicy stir-fried squid

Korean fried chicken

We painted our nails in front of the fireplace and watched Zootopia.

My puppy, Chico 🐶

Detoxing

All I wanted for Christmas was to spend time with my family. I am grateful to have a place where I can call a home and a family who's supportive and caring. 

For the past several years, I learned the importance of family. We went through so much suffering that we can't even explain. We grieved, cried, consoled, and prayed together. I had to make myself emotionally numb. This was the only way to get through each day. 

It affected my relationship with others as well. I had to lie many times. Because I distrusted everyone, I couldn't build good friendship. 

What I lost is good memories... I wasn't depressed all the time. I traveled and enjoyed life too. However, because of the emotional pain and how I was always trying to forget or not think about it, I had difficult time retaining good memories as well. (This is partially why I started journaling.)

I considered counselling but didn't end up getting any treatment. I believed there was a reason for the suffering. There was something God wanted to show us.

From my experience, here's what I learned. 

1) Don't judge others 

2) Don't make assumptions 

3) Forgive others

This year, my family's prayer has been answered. We couldn't ask for anything better.

I am thankful for my family and am fortunate to have a dad, a mom and two lovely sisters.

While I was in Eugene, I visited my friend's house. I have known her for more than 9 years! She's one of my oldest friends I keep in touch. We see each other twice or three times a year but whenever we get together, we try new things and have fun catching up. 

This time, we baked cookies.

YUMM~

It's easy to make friends but it's difficult to keep in touch and build friendship. It takes an effort to maintain friendship because we are busy, have different life style, and are at different stage in life. I appreciate that she always texts me first to ask how I am doing and makes time for me. 👭

On Christmas eve, I visited the City Bible Church in Portland downtown for its candlelight service. Christmas shows the unconditional love of God. 

My church had a Christmas party with a gift exchange.

Another type of love I should mention is romantic love.

Recently I came across Mandy Len Catron's Ted Talk which you should watch too. The main point was that falling in love is the easy part and staying in love is hard. I completely agreed. 

The above picture states, "In relationships, keeping a distance is always an assignment."

Mandy also discussed on the 36 questions to fall in love. I do think that vulnerability relates to closeness. When I share personal stories with someone, I feel closer to that person.

To be honest, I am not good with relationships. I am confused all the time. I shouldn't be talking about romantic love...

To anyone who might have interest in me now or in the future...

I'm a spoiled girl. So unless you think you can handle me, please don't pursue me. And if you are going to try, please be straight forward and ask me out on a date. If not, I probably won't know. Also, this way I can tell you how I feel towards you. If I reject, at least you'll know and you don't have to waste your time on me. There's plenty other girls who'd appreciate your love.  

I had enough of falling in love and falling apart. I don't want to experience anymore painful breakups. Starting a relationship scares me a little... actually a lot. So I'm trying to guard my heart and not fall for anyone... until I find the one who's willing to truly love me.

Ugh... love is so complicated. But it feels good to be loved. And we should love others as Jesus loved us 😅.